


Connie Parallel

by KitChat (Kitchat)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU- Yellow Diamond's army is the one that stays on Earth, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Gen, Lapis is gently done with the others, No more motivation to finish, Role Reversal, Someone take Peridot seriously please, Who made Jasper a mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:38:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitchat/pseuds/KitChat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Connie Parallel, a girl learns to live with her heritage as a human-Gem hybrid and try to live up to her mother's legacy as a fearless leader while she slowly learns more about the three Gems she lives with.</p><p>(An AU Role Reversal, where Connie is Yellow Diamond's half-human daughter and Jasper, Peridot, and Lapis try to raise her as a Gem.)</p><p>[[Discontinued]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What do you mean you won't be selling the fried onion bits anymore?" Connie was beyond dismayed, hand smacking lightly against the counter in indignation. When she noticed what she was doing, she quickly withdrew her hand and muttered a meek “Sorry.”

Feeling self-conscious about her outburst, Connie considered leaving without asking the question burning at the tip of her tongue. But this was a matter of utmost importance, and she really didn't want to make another trip later in the day to the shop. Taking a deep breath to ward off her embarrassment, Connie continued, "The whole shop is named after your onion bits! Well, part of it anyways. Thirty-three percent, roughly." To emphasize her point, Connie thrust an accusing index finger up at the faded, grease stained signs. "It's called 'Onion Fish Fries' for a reason."

The pale kid behind the counter shrugged, "Sorry lil' sis, can’t help it that we're 'Onion Fish Fries', not 'Onion Bits'. My step-dad says we have to stick to the menu." He cast an unhappy look around the cramped restaurant before leaning over the counter to whisper conspiratorially in Connie's ear, "He's thinking about changing the menu completely. No more onions. Just... Fish!"

"What?!" Connie recoiled, aghast. "But Sour Cream, no one orders the fish products here!"

"He just won't listen," complained Sour Cream. "I told him so, but he just goes," Sour Cream began to mumble incoherently, likely in imitation of his step-father, “but then I told him 'Fish don't smell like freedom!'" Sour Cream shrugged helplessly. 

Connie slumped over, deflated and dejected. In a sympathetic gesture, Sour Cream pulled something out of a greasy paper bag and slid it across the counter to her. "Consolation glowstick?"

"Thank you, Sour Cream," Connie said lifelessly, taking the colorful plastic tube and bending it into a bracelet so it could join all its brothers and sisters on her arm.

“Well uh, you want something else instead? Like, actual fries?”

Connie thought it over for a while, “Well… sure, I guess.” No point in going back on an empty stomach. Sour Cream got her order ready and she was soon on her way to the beach.

"No more onion bits?" Connie muttered to herself as she walked along the boardwalk back to the ship. "This could be a good thing. I could start acting on my health initiative and get the Ultra-Healthy-Mega-Salad combo from Chewy Dewey's Pizza from now on."

As if on cue, the little automaton head in front of said pizza store flickered to life and began announcing in a voice of monotonous cheer, "Chew-y Dew-ey. Chew-y Dew-ey."

Connie shuddered and quickened her pace, putting as much distance between the automaton and herself as possible, "Who am I kidding? Nobody likes the food there.”

Lapsing back into a contemplative silence, Connie walked back to the beach with her head down as if intently studying the wood grains would provide an answer to the problem. It didn't, of course.

Connie began to snack on the onion fries when she reached the white sand beach where the ship was located. While the ship might have been functional at some point in its long life, the weather and years had done quite a number on it. It had been reduced to little more than a colossal viridian tower embedded in the sand.

There was a small dented panel on the side of the ship that faced away from the ocean; when it was lifted, it revealed a small eye-like structure embedded in the ship. The eye blinked once at Connie as she tugged down the collar of her t-shirt so that it could properly scan the faceted yellow jewel embedded in her neck.

Something inside the ship blipped before a door materialized beside the panel. Connie flipped the panel back down and stepped through into the interior of the ship. Almost immediately after she stepped through the door, she heard the sounds of an argument going on in the next room. And sure enough, as Connie rounded the hall and entered the makeshift kitchen, she caught sight of the three other residents huddled over a hologram.

A large and muscular Gem was jabbing irritably at the little green hologram and muttering angrily under her breath, “Damnit, Peridot! I can't see anything on this. Make it bigger!”

“Jasper, what did I _just_ say? Full screen option is _over there_ ,” Peridot, the green Gem who was seated in front of the hologram, snapped. “Press it once, I said. Don’t keep jabbing at it—Jasper!”

It was lucky that most of their equipment were holograms, or else Jasper would have broken everything out of sheer frustration a long time ago.

“I can't help it that the button is too small, Peridot!" complained Jasper. "You should really make this more user-friendly."

“It _is_ 'user-friendly'. _You_ just happen to not be ‘hologram-friendly’. Just let me handle it," Peridot finally said, wrenching her holo-screen away from Jasper.

“Connie’s here,” the third Gem commented. She was sitting on the overturned husk of some robonoid no one had bothered to fix. “Welcome back! What's that you've got?"

“It’s just fries," Connie said, eyes flicking over to where Jasper and Peridot were bickering irritably over Peridot’s finger screens. “Er... Uh, Lapis? Is everything okay?”

Lapis Lazuli shrugged, a blue shoulder rising and falling like a wave, “I don’t know. I didn’t ask them because it’s not my concern.”

Connie nodded before sitting down on another robonoid husk and offering Lapis the paper bag she was holding, "Fries?"

"Mmm, not right now," Lapis declined, peering in at the dejected strips of onions. "You didn't get the bits?"

"Sour Cream told me that they won't be selling the bits anymore," Connie explained. "He said they have to stick to the menu. So, that means no more fried onion bits until further notice."

It was somewhere during Lapis and Connie's conversation that Peridot and Jasper finished whatever business they were up to on Peridot's finger-screen. Jasper immediately picked up on Connie's last sentence, “No more onion bits?”

“It was about time,” Peridot stated as she separated the finger-screen back into her regular appendages. “I can’t see any reason that would push humanity to consume that sort of refuse.”

“It's a human delicacy," Lapis protested. "Or no, maybe not. Either way, they're pretty good."

“Well, Sour Cream did make a legitimate argument about how it defeats the purpose of the business to sell onion bits when they _are_ named ‘Onion Fish Fries’, but they could just as easily change their name! Their sign is long due for some maintenance,” Connie chewed vigorously on some of the onion fries. "These aren't bad, but I was looking forward to the bits. These just taste like disappointment now."

"Even less appetizing," Peridot made a disgusted face.

"What do you mean no more bits?!" Jasper demanded again. "They're not selling those anymore?"

"That is what she said a moment ago," Peridot said, "precisely one minute and twenty three seconds ago."

Jasper just ignored Peridot, "They can't just suddenly _stop_ selling the onion bits! First that burrito place, and now this? What'll anyone buy from there if they stop selling the bits?"

"Actual fries, perhaps?" Peridot's foot tapped an impatient rhythm on the ground. "Jasper—"

"I'm going to have a talk to the owner about this," Jasper said decisively.

"Connie doesn't have a problem with it," Peridot crossed her arms in irritation. "But _Jasper_ , we don't have time for this! There's a— "

Peridot might as well have been talking to the ceiling for all the regard that Jasper gave her. The orange Gem snatched up the bag of fries that Connie had set down on the table and stormed across the room to the door.

"Wait! It's not Sour Cream's fault!" Connie called after Jasper. "His step-dad owns the place!"

"The fries!" Lapis said in dismay as she had been just about to reach inside the bag and have herself a snack when Jasper took the bag.

"The mission," groaned Peridot. "I can't believe she would neglect that for a bag of fried grease."

"The onion bits are more than just grease, Peridot," Connie tried to explain. "It's a combination of onions and batter all cooked together in... in oil, but the point is that there _are_ other ingredients."

"It tastes better than it sounds," Lapis added when Peridot's expression of mild disgust remained unchanged.

"Right," Peridot formed the finger-screen again and began writing on it, "we can't afford to wait around for Jasper to come back while there's an activated gem powered machine roaming around. Connie, Lapis, come along now."

"Now wait a moment," Lapis began.

"No, Peridot," Connie said at the same time, shooting Lapis an apologetic look before continuing on, "shouldn't Lapis go get Jasper?"

Peridot just looked at her blankly.

Connie began to fidget, "I mean Jasper can be a little... much...? A-and she might terrify Sour Cream. It's not even his fault! If you and Lapis don't mind... maybe... maybe she could go get Jasper?"

"I'm not her keeper," Lapis said adamantly. Connie gave the blue Gem a pleading look, even stilling her nervous hands long enough to clasp them in a beseeching gesture. Lapis’s defiant expression managed to maintain itself for a total of fifteen seconds before she sighed in resignation, "Fine. Fine. I'll get Jasper."

"I wouldn't have sent her off so fast," Peridot said as Lapis left.

“I'm sorry, I thought that—I just… I wasn't thinking clearly. I can go call Lapis back," Connie made a move to stand up, but Peridot shook her head.

"This task might be manageable between you and me,” the green Gem turned the finger-screen towards Connie,”since its energy output seems to indicate that it's no more than a reactivated maintenance drone. Should be quick."

Connie nodded and followed Peridot to the warp pad they had installed on the ship. “Where are we going?”

“The Gardens,” Peridot replied as she powered up the warp pad.

The Gardens didn't look as calming and lively as it sounded. What had once been a flourishing greenhouse (or so Connie assumed) was now a mass of flowing vegetation that made the Amazon Jungle look like a walk in the park.

"And here is where you make a better operative than Jasper," Peridot announced. "A sword is much more practical than a helmet here. Summon your weapon."

"Oh. Yes, of course. I'll try my best," Connie closed her eyes and focused on the gem located in her neck. She tried to picture her weapon as she remembered it the last time it had appeared. It was a sword, yes. And it had... a golden hilt that was ornately decorated? With vines? Or was it thorns? 

Connie could feel her gem giving off a feeble pulse and she concentrated even harder. Forget about the hilt. What about the pommel? There was a decoration of some kind, wasn't there? It might have been floral... Why couldn't she remember it? Why didn't she pay closer attention when she summoned it last time? She wasn't any use to Peridot; Peridot needed her to summon her weapon, and she couldn’t! There wasn't any way she could help.

As Connie panicked, her gem's glow began to fade, causing her to panic even more. She fought to keep the glow sustained, but it was a futile effort and she knew it, "I'm sorry, Peridot. I couldn't do it. I can try again..."

Peridot shook her head, causing Connie's heart to deflate a little bit more, "That will not be necessary." Peridot formed the finger-screen again and wrote a command on the surface. A faint whirring was heard to the side, the source being a small, round robot rising with difficulty into the air. It tottered its way over to Connie and Peridot, coming to rest right over Peridot's head. Peridot wrote another command, and the little robot's whirring increased in pitch as it fired a single laser beam at the wall of plants in front of them. The arm of a vine fell to the ground, faintly smoking.

Connie's shoulders slumped slightly at having been shown up by a robot that was severely in need of maintenance. She trailed meekly behind Peridot and the garden bot as they cleared a path through the vegetation.

"Stay on the lookout. It should be in our vicinity right now," Peridot suddenly said after a moment of silence.

Connie immediately began turning her head to scan the area, despite her vision being mostly obscured by plants. In the end, she might as well have saved herself the effort of doing so; the maintenance drone was heard first rather than seen.

"Peridot?" Connie asked doubtfully as the ground began to vibrate faintly. "Do minor maintenance drones always sound like that?"

The sound of shredding vegetation began to grow louder and louder as Peridot tapped furiously at her screen, "That’s not right! I couldn't have read the signals wrong. Those things should have been deactivated! What—"

She never got to finish that line of thought; the brambles in front of them began to quiver just before a giant clawed hand tore the vines apart completely. A spherical robot stood in front of them, two clawed appendages held out in front of its body. One of the appendages clutched the mass of brambles. With a shuddering creak, the claw tightened on the plants, slashing them into clean ribbons.

"Connie, stay back," Peridot warned, already typing a command into her finger-screen. The drone hovering over her shoulder began to whine as it powered up another laser shot. The beam hit the clawed robot right in the centre of its body, resounding in a horrible screeching noise. But when the light faded, the only damage that the drone had suffered was a faint scratch on its metallic casing.

Peridot sighed, "I hate archaic technology."

“Peridot!” Connie screeched. Peridot whirled around just in time to see the other claw make a lunge at her. There was only enough time for her to make a comically surprised expression before the arm connected with her midsection and flung her into a tree, shattering the trunk upon impact.

The old garden bot that Peridot had been commanding fell to the ground as Peridot separated the screen back into her fingers so that she could rub gingerly at her injuries. “I’m telling Jasper about this,” she said petulantly.

The robot lunged at Peridot again, forcing her to roll to the side, “This is the last time I forget to bring the destabilizer!”

Meanwhile, Connie had picked up the fallen garden bot and darted behind the robot. Winding up the garden bot like it was a baseball, she launched it with as much force as she could muster, nailing the rampaging drone near its sensors. The drone paused at the hit and turned around so that it was facing Connie. Its sensors turned green as it began to scan Connie, pausing briefly when the scanner ran over the yellow gem in her throat. 

“You leave Peridot alone!” Connie shouted, clenching her hands into fists to stop them from trembling.

“What are you doing?! Get back to the ship and get Jasper!” Peridot called. “That thing hunts and destroys Gems!”

“But you’ll—” Connie abruptly dropped and rolled to the side as soon as she noticed the drone moving. Rather than attack her like she had expected, it only turned back to Peridot. “Hey, wait! Stop that!”

The drone lunged again at Peridot, who merely ducked to avoid the arm. “Predictable. All these years have reduced you to a bag of old—” Peridot was rudely interrupted by the drone’s second claw slamming and pinning her to a tree.

“I am uncomfortable with confined spaces. I demand you to release me,” Peridot said, pushing at the claws of the drone. It creaked abominably as the claws began to close around her, and Peridot began to wriggle around in an attempt to avoid the sharp edges. “Unhand me, I said, unhand me!” 

Feeling a little helpless, Connie grabbed a handful of rocks from the ground and threw them at the drone. They clattered off its casing as Connie shouted at it, “Peridot isn’t a threat to you!”

“Excuse me?” aforementioned Gem said in an insulted tone.

The drone didn’t even bother to look at her. 

“What? I thought it hunted Gems,” Connie said in surprise. She had been expecting the drone to at least make an attempt to lunge at her.

“You’re still human, however,” Peridot quipped from her prison between the drone’s claws. The drone continued to close its claws around her and Peridot did her best to push back against them. “Who turned you back on?!”

“I may be _half_ human but I am still a Gem!” Connie shouted in frustration. Her hands were clenched into angry fists as she addressed the drone, “You scanned the Gem, I saw you do it!”

Anger built up in her throat, a burning sensation that was amplified by the pulsing of Connie’s gem. “I _am_ a Gem!” she shouted heatedly, picking up a rock and lobbing it at the drone. It managed to dent the drone’s casing, but even then, the drone didn’t turn around. “I might not be a full Gem, but I _do_ have a weapon! I am not too frail to be a threat to you!”

Connie’s hands came up instinctively towards her gem, not even needing to see it to know what was already there. Her fingers clasped around the handle of her weapon, and in one fluid motion she pulled the sword out, “She told you to release her! So you leave Peridot alone!”

The sound of the sword being pulled from her gem finally caused the drone to turn. “You should never turn your back on the enemy!” Connie shouted angrily as she swiped upwards with the sword, slashing the drone’s legs and causing it to teeter dangerously.

The drone withdrew its claws from the tree it had pinned Peridot against, wheeling its two claws around for balance as it tottered on its remaining leg. Gravity was not working in its favor, however, and it didn’t take much for it to overbalance and send itself toppling to the ground.

Not waiting for it to recover, Connie stormed up to the machine and shoved the sword into its sensors as deep as it would go. The drone sputtered and sparked violently beneath her as she pulled the sword out and stabbed it into its shell again. It shuddered and writhed with a high pitched whine, but its sensors finally darkened and it stilled with Connie’s sword still embedded in its casing.

Connie was panting from the exertion; she hadn’t realized how much energy she needed to maintain the sword. Almost as soon as she finished that thought, the sword dissipated in a flash of light. Only then did Connie suddenly realize that she hadn’t taken a good look at the sword, again.

Peridot walked up to Connie, a little bit bruised and scratched and with multiple hairline cracks in her visor, but still in one piece. “I resent being portrayed as non-threatening.”

“I didn’t mean it in that way,” Connie said, hanging her head. “I’m sorry about this. I shouldn’t have told Lapis not to come along. She would have been able to help you.”

“There is nothing to apologize for,” Peridot said as she walked around the drone. “I am at least partially at fault for underestimating this one. You made a good decision based on the information you were provided. You managed to be of assistance, in the end.”

Connie began walking around the drone in the other direction, “Plus, I summoned my weapon when I needed it.”

“Yes. That was nicely done. Now help me roll this back to the warp pad.”

Connie beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven Universe.  
> Connie Parallel.  
> Parallel Universe.
> 
> ARHARHAR.
> 
>  **Role Swaps seen in this chapter:**  
>  Connie with Steven.  
> Fryman family with the Onion family.
> 
> The drone in this chapter is inspired by the robot that showed up in Mattecat's "How to Turn an Angry Space Alien Into Your New Aunt With the Power of Friendship or Whatever by Steven Universe". Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3542825/chapters/7798661
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sour Cream has to work on a day off so Connie and Lapis make a plan to help him reclaim the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1

"Hey Connie," Lapis greeted from her spot on the abandoned robonoid husk. "Where are you going?"

"It's almost 3:15; I always go to Onion Fish Fries around this time to get the onion bits, remember?" Connie reminded Lapis. "Although now that they're not going to be selling the bits, I'm not sure what I'll get now. Do you want to come along?"

"Oh, um… well," Lapis tugged sheepishly at the hem of her dress.

"Is something the matter, Lapis? If you don't want to come, it's perfectly fine! I can still get you something."

"No, no! I'll come," Lapis hastily said as she stood up. "It might be better if I explained on the way."

"Okay then," Connie and Lapis walked together to the ship's exit. Lapis was fiddling with the hem of her dress, eyes downcast. Connie was dying to know what she was about to say, but Lapis would be less willing to divulge when she was being pressured.

They walked in silence all the way from the beach to the boardwalk. It is only when they passed the arcade that Lapis finally decided to speak up, "Do you remember yesterday, when you told us Onion Fish Fries would not be selling the bits anymore?"

"Yes?"

"And how Jasper left Peridot to come here?"

"Yeah...? And you went and got her to go home."

"Well, yes, that eventually happened," Lapis said with a shrug, "but she managed to get here before I did. I tried to make her go back but you know what she's like when she's angry. And we... sort of fought in the restaurant and it's kind of ruined by now and I didn't know how to tell you! But I thought I should at least give you some notice before you get there."

“Ruined!” Connie exclaimed, picking up her pace, “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? How badly is the place— oh no.”

Near the end of her sentence, Connie caught sight of the familiar fast food building. Police tape was wrapped around the building, preventing people from walking among the debris flung onto the street. A gaping hole loomed in the wall of Onion Fish Fries, and when Connie got closer, she realized that the interior of the shop was dripping wet. “It’s _kind of_ ruined?” she asked Lapis, incredulously.

Lapis gave a helpless shrug, “It’s not as bad as it could have been…?”

At that moment, Connie caught sight of Sour Cream walking around the building while hauling two garbage bags over his shoulder, “Hey! Sour Cream!”

“Hey Connie,” he greeted her as she jogged over, “can’t talk today, sorry. My step-dad wants me to help out with the shop.” 

He tossed the two garbage bags into the dumpster behind the store, “On my day off, too. Not rad, lil’ sis. Not rad at all.”

Connie gave Lapis a guilty look; she felt partially at fault for not being able to restrain Jasper the day before. Sour Cream was probably looking forward to spending a day with his friends, too.

“It’s too bad about the fries,” Lapis said as she began to turn around towards the beach, “but there’s nothing we can do about that.”

“Wait, Lapis!” Connie called, jogging up to the blue Gem and leaving Sour Cream slaving away in the dumpster. “There must be something we can do for Sour Cream. He’s probably bummed about not being able to go out with his friends.”

“Connie,” Lapis began, but the half-Gem was already pulling her back towards the blond kid.

“Sour Cream!” Connie called out, “Is there anything we can do to help?”

“Thanks, lil’ sis, but my job’s not something that can be done by any kind of person,” he said in resignation, opening the side door to the restaurant and walking inside, holding the door open for Connie and Lapis, “or at least that’s what my step-dad likes to tell me.”

“I’m pretty sure the two of us can lift more than his entire family combined,” Lapis said quietly, but was mostly ignored.

The three of them went past the flooded kitchen all the way to the backroom. Sour Cream continued to talk, only pausing to fumble for his keys, “We’ve set up a food cart down by the beach while the shop gets cleaned up, but he wants me to ‘bring attention’ to it. Usually it’s my brother who does it, but I haven’t seen him around all day, like usual.”

The room they entered was small, cramped, and reeked horribly. Connie and Sour Cream experienced a horrible coughing fit while Lapis stayed unperturbed. Waving a hand in front of his face and trying to hold the coughing at bay, Sour Cream walked and coughed towards the employee closet at the back, “I can’t feel my lungs.” He grabbed something from the closet and the three of them quickly left the backroom.

Sour Cream and Connie took a moment to relish the smell of only slightly dank air (as opposed to the reeking moldy air in the backroom). “That’s a lot of water damage,” Connie commented in between deep gasps of breath. Lapis tugged on the hem of her dress in a sheepish gesture.

“It was bad enough without all the water,” Sour Cream sighed. He took the mysterious object in his hands and shook it out, revealing it to be an Onion costume, “I can’t believe that this thing survived.”

Connie flinched while Lapis made a face at the costume; no matter how many times Connie had seen it before, it got no less disturbing. In fact, it was even more unnerving than Connie remembered. Had its eyes always been so blank and soulless?

"You have to dress up as that again?" Connie asked with a frown. "But I thought Onion was retired years ago. As in you guys threw it out."

"I thought I did," said Sour Cream, "but I guess he wanted Onion to stay around a bit more."

Sour Cream unzipped the Onion costume and stepped inside, "I hate this job. It gives me goosebumps and not the good kind."

"Right then," said Lapis, tugging on Connie's sleeve and slowly dragging her away from Sour Cream and Onion. "We'll leave that to you."

"Okay, we'll see you later, Sour Cream!" Connie called out hastily to her friend, speeding up her walk to catch up with Lapis. "Lapis, what are you doing?"

"That thing gives me the creeps."

“Well… we shouldn’t just leave him back there, right?”

Lapis just shrugged, “It’s not like we can do anything for him. I don’t think the three of us can fit in that… thing. And I don’t want to try.”

“I feel bad for Sour Cream,” Connie told Lapis as they stepped onto the beach. “I want to help him, but I don’t know how.”

Lapis shrugged, “Bad things happen to people all the time. He’ll get over it eventually.”

Connie stopped walking and crossed her arms, “Lapis, that doesn’t really help things. It wasn’t Sour Cream’s fault that this happened. And besides, we were kind of the ones who broke Onion Fish Fries in the first place, putting him in this position.”

“It wasn’t all _my_ fault!” Lapis protested. “Jasper was the one who started it! I was only the one who followed your command to bring her back. Why doesn’t _Jasper_ ever clean up after her own mess?”

“I know it’s not your fault, Lapis! It was my fault, all mine. If I had reacted faster and did something about Jasper, or told her _later_ or—anything, really!—then maybe she wouldn’t have done that! It was my decision that started this, and I’m trying to make things up to Sour Cream for that,” Connie explained, lowering her voice from a shout when she realized how loud they were getting. “And it might be kind of Jasper’s fault, but she’d probably make it worse if we tried to get her to help.”

Lapis’s stony expression did not change. Connie fully expected her to turn around and storm back to her room in the ship and ignore her for a day or two, but to her surprise, Lapis just let out a deep sigh and a weak chuckle, “Yeah, that’s right. Jasper is very unhelpful.”

Connie let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding, “So, any ideas?” 

“Hmm…” Lapis’s eyes darted towards the ship then darted away as if it were a living being and she wanted to escape its notice. “Why don’t we borrow something from Peridot?”

“Peridot would _never_ let us,” Connie said.

“I didn’t say she had to _know_ ,” Lapis said, giving Connie a pointed look.

“Lapis… Peridot said to never touch her things, especially things we don’t know how to use.”

“Well it’s not like I’m going to be taking everything in her room. I know exactly what we need, and I’ve seen it used before. We’ll have it back by the end of the day and she won’t have looked up from her holo-screen long enough to realize that it was gone.”

Connie still wasn’t convinced, “But… you’re sure it’s going to help Sour Cream?”

“Mhm.” 

“You’re absolutely positive this is going to help Sour Cream.”

“Yes… that’s what I said.”

“You don’t sound very confident.”

“Well, do you have any better ideas?”

“Unfortunately not,” Connie said, resigned. The faster they got it over with, the less likely Peridot would notice, right? “This requires careful planning if we want to be successful.”

***

“Peridot,” Lapis called as they entered the ship and sprinted towards the room teleportals, “we’re gonna borrow something _real_ quick!”

“Mm,” Peridot grunted, eyes intently focused on her finger-screen, not looking up when the teleportal activated and Lapis disappeared in a flash of light.

“Sorry, no time to explain!” Connie shouted in apology, right on Lapis’s heels.

“You better not touch anything you’re not supposed to!” Peridot shouted after them, her voice drowned out by the sound of the teleportal activating again.

***

“That was easier than you thought it would be, right?” Lapis said, pleased with the way things turned out. “We got what we wanted.”

“I sure hope so. You were the one who got it, but I haven’t got a clue what it’s supposed to be,” replied Connie, giving the two translucent cubes a tentative tap with her hand. When she drew her hand away, however, her shirt sleeve refused to leave the cube’s surface as if it were glued there. With some difficulty, Connie wrenched her sleeve away, “And what was that about?”

“Peridot never gave it a name, but I’ve seen how it’s been used. You might want to let me move this thing; it can get kinda grabby with clothing,” Lapis waved her hand, summoning up two large hands made of sea water. The hands pushed gently at the cubes, sliding them along the boardwalk while Lapis and Connie trailed after it.

“Jasper and Peridot used to use this as a toolbot. It can’t work on its own, I think, because they always had to put it in something before they could command it. I was thinking that maybe if we put this in the costume, we could tell the costume to do Sour Cream’s job for him,” Lapis explained as they walked. “And afterwards, we just come and get the thing, replace it before Peridot notices, and all our problems are solved.”

“I wouldn’t say that it’s foolproof, but it’s the best we’ve got, right?” Connie didn’t wait for Lapis to reply before she began to wave at Sour Cream, who was still stuck in the Onion costume. “Sour Cream! Sour Cream!”

“What’s up lil’ sis?” Sour Cream greeted her, albeit a bit muffled under the costume. “What have you got with you?”

“This is going to help you with your job!” Connie motioned excitedly at him. “Step out of your costume for a moment, please.”

“It was time for a break anyways,” Sour Cream pulled off Onion’s head and set it gently on the ground. His forehead was shiny with sweat and his normally carefully styled hair was drooping sadly in the heat.

“Okay then. Lapis?” Connie gestured to the costume and the two cubes. “Will you be the one who does the honor?”

“Yeah, sure. Just keep the costume open while I put this thing in,” Lapis instructed them. Connie and Sour Cream dutifully held the neck of the costume open while Lapis commanded the two water hands to gently pick up one of the cubes and put one in. Connie then zipped up the costume while Sour Cream put Onion’s head back where it belonged.

For one long moment, nothing happened. Maybe the device was broken. That happened more often than the Gems cared to admit, much to Peridot’s exasperation. Just when Connie was about to ask Lapis exactly _how_ long ago it was that this thing had last been used when the costume stood up.

“Freaky,” Sour Cream said in an awed whisper.

“I’d say ‘unnerving’,” Connie added. “Is it just me or is Onion’s stare even creepier?”

“Not just you, lil’ sis. It’s like he can see my innards,” Sour Cream whispered back, “and it’s really scary.”

“Right, the faster we give it a command and let it do its thing, the faster we can all go back to our lives,” Lapis said, rolling the second cube out in front of them. “Okay. Give it a command.”

Connie looked at Sour Cream expectantly, nodding her head in encouragement when he stepped forward.

“Okay Onion. Just… go do my job and make sure everyone eats the Onion Fish Fries and knows where the food cart is,” Sour Cream commanded. “Is that good enough?”

For a moment, Onion just stood there staring at the three of them with its blank mascot eyes. Eventually, it turned around and walked slowly towards the food cart where Sour Cream worked.

“That went pretty well, if I do say so,” Connie said in the ensuing silence. 

“Wow, thanks Connie,” Sour Cream held his hand up for a high five, but Connie declined on accounts of him still being sweaty and sticky from the heat.

“Thank Lapis,” Connie told him. “Without her idea, I would still be brainstorming.”

“Eh,” Lapis said indifferently with a shrug.

The three of them parted after that, with Sour Cream thanking them yet again and with Connie and Lapis reminding him to come back later to retrieve Peridot’s device as well as Onion.

Even if she felt a little guilty about taking Peridot’s device without really consulting her, Connie thought that they had done as decent a job as they could manage. All in all, Connie was feeling pretty great about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This took a little bit more time to get out because finals and everything. I wanted to post everything as one chapter, but this is already at 7 pages and the last chapter took forever to get through. So here's part 1. Part 2 coming out... soon.
> 
> **Swaps seen in this chapter:**  
>  Onion with Frybo  
> Sour Cream with PeeDee


	3. Chapter 2, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry guys... I lost motivation for this chapter halfway through and didn't finish it until now... I really do plan to write more for this story, but I'll have to recover my notes for where I want this story to go. But unfortunately, my notes have been stored in a place that makes it hard to find things-- my mind.
> 
> This is what happens after Connie and Lapis give Sour Cream the machine.

“Are you sure the moat is supposed to be this large?” Connie asked doubtfully from where she was digging a wide trench around her sandcastle.

“Of course. What’s the use of a castle without a good moat?” Lapis asked, eyeing the sandcastle and its moat with scrutiny. “I think it can be a little larger.”

“Maybe we’re just getting _a little bit_ carried away with that?” Connie suggested weakly as she stood up to stretch out the cramps accumulating in her legs. “I think it’s large enough.”

Lapis hummed under her breath as she inspected the trench, “You’re right. There’s still plenty of space for the Colossal Squid.”

“The what?”

“The Colossal Squid. Every moat needs a guardian, right?”

“What’s wrong with a regular moat with a regular alligator?”

Before Lapis could answer, a frantic voice called out, “Connie!”

Three teenagers dashed across the sand in a breathless hurry over to the two girls. Connie recognized Sour Cream’s ridiculous hairstyle immediately, but it took her a moment to recognize one of the others as Jenny Pizza, one of the mayor’s daughters, and Buck Dewey, the son of Chewy Dewey’s owner.

Their panicked and frantic expressions brought a sinking feeling into Connie’s stomach. A quick glance at Lapis told her that the blue Gem was just as worried as Connie was. That did not bode well for any of them.

When the three teens got close enough, Sour Cream asked, “Is Onion supposed to get all weird?”

“Weirder than usual,” Buck corrected.

“Getting all weird?” Connie had a feeling she was going to heartily regret sneaking around behind Peridot’s back with her tools. “Sour Cream, did something happen?”

“Onion isn’t listening to me anymore. And he’s been… acting up in a really freaky way. Like, _really_ freaky,” Sour Cream tried to explain.

“Onion was shoving fries down people’s throats when we last saw him,” Jenny clarified for her friend. “And he won’t stop, even when Sour Cream tells him to.”

“Oh no, I am so sorry about that, Sour Cream! I didn’t know it would do that,” Connie apologized.

“The machine is old,” Lapis piped up, a pensive look on her face. “I guess we know why Peridot doesn’t use it anymore.”

“We’ve got to get the machine out of Onion! Where did you guys last see him?” Connie asked, already jogging towards the town. With a sigh, Lapis left their sand castle to follow behind Connie.

“Probably near the food cart,” Jenny answered, walking along beside Connie. “We’ll take you there. You don’t want to meet him alone.”

“He seemed kind of… angry,” Buck said with the overly exaggerated careless shrug of someone who was deeply unnerved, “well, as angry as a mascot can get.”

“Violent might be a better word,” Jenny scoffed.

The five of them hurried across the beach and into town to find Onion. Like Jenny had said, Onion was indeed by the food cart that Sour Cream was advertising for. Even before they entered the area, telltale horrified screaming could be heard. No doubt Onion was the cause of the ruckus.

“Over there!” Connie pointed as they came around the corner. Onion was chasing after Jamie, the nice guy who worked at the Doughnut, with a fist full of crumpled fries. As soon as she got close enough, Connie started shouting and waving her hands, “Hey Onion! Leave Jamie alone!”

Onion complied, turning away from the chase to process the new arrivals. Connie had never disliked his blank stare more than in that moment when they stood at one end of the square and Onion at the other. Though it was motionless, Connie thought that she could feel the machine calculating its chances of success if it attacked.

“Connie,” Sour Cream whispered to her, “what’s the plan?”

Connie began to sweat nervously, “Well, with all the running around, I haven’t really come up with one yet.”

“He’s coming our way! Everyone, run!” Jenny shouted. The rest of them needed no more prompting, scattering in different directions like leaves in the wind.

As Connie dashed in the direction of the boardwalk, she threw a glance behind her to see if Onion was chasing her. A little bit to her surprise, Onion had gone straight for Lapis instead of Connie, who was the closest. Onion lunged at Lapis when he got close enough, forcing Lapis to veer away or be crushed by the bulk of the mascot’s weight.

“If only we could bury Onion and have him retired forever, this would have never happened,” Buck complained to Sour Cream. “I thought you guys threw the mascot away.”

“I thought so too,” Sour Cream replied.

“That’s it, Buck!” Connie called, “We have to bury Onion. Everyone, head to the ocean! Get him away from here!”

Lapis sprung into the air with one flap of her wings and landed next to Connie. “What’s the plan, Connie?” she asked.

“We’re going to bury him, like Buck said. Except instead of burying him in the ground, we’re going to throw him into the ocean,” Connie explained. “Lapis, can you drag Onion into the ocean?”

“Of course I can,” Lapis said, “but it will be harder if he keeps struggling.”

“Jenny, Buck, Sour Cream!” Connie shouted to the others, “We need to get Onion into the water! Can you guys try to hold Onion down?”

“I wouldn’t touch that with a six foot pole,” Buck muttered, earning him an elbow between the ribs from Jenny.

“You can count on us, Connie,” Jenny replied. Sour Cream gave her a thumbs up to show his support.

Satisfied with their answer, the group started to head for the ocean, only stopping to check that the eerie mascot was still lumbering after them. When they got to the beach, Onion hesitated at the edge of the sand and boardwalk, but a good shove from Jenny forced him to advance.

“We can stop here,” Lapis instructed Connie when they got to ocean where the water was ankle deep. The waves lapped at their legs, but did not retreat like usual. As Lapis slowly raised her hand, the water level began to rise with it, until Lapis and Connie were knee deep in seawater. 

Onion had been following the two Gems all the way across the beach, but upon seeing the rising water, something in him (Connie was willing to bet it was the machine) registered a threat and he faltered. It was a little too late for Onion to back out, however. Even as he was trying to turn around, Sour Cream was leaping into the air onto the costume’s back.

“I knew we should have just left you in the storage! You’ve done nothing except scare all the children!” Onion turned around to face Sour Cream, and something about those black, soulless eyes made him blanch. “And freak me out, too!”

With a shout, Jenny and Buck made their entrance, with Jenny swinging a driftwood branch as a makeshift weapon. She thumped it soundly against the costume while Buck and Sour Cream held back Onion’s arms.

“Okay, Lapis, let’s go!”

Two arms of water shot out from the sea and grabbed onto Onion. The costume struggled desperately, but a swift kick delivered to the legs caused it to crumble to the ground. Making most of the chance, the two water hands wrapped themselves completely around Onion and made a quick retreat to the water, dragging the writhing mascot along the sand.

Connie, Jenny, Buck, Sour Cream, and Lapis watched silently as the mascot struggled in the water as it sank. “Just send him far, far away,” Sour Cream said.

“Like the bottom of the ocean?” Lapis smiled.

“Yeah that… that sounds like it’s far enough,” Sour Cream nodded as he watched the waves come in and out. “Man, what am I gonna tell my step-dad?”

“Eh, he’s probably heard by now,” Buck said casually, “or seen. It was kinda hard to miss.”

“I’m never touching Peridot’s machines again,” said Connie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Swaps seen in this chapter:**  
>  Jamie with Sadie
> 
> The entirety of Chapter 2 (including PART 1 and 2) totaled around 11 pages... I've never known the meaning of "short" stories


	4. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary of what would have happened.

Hey lovely readers! I'm really sorry to say, but I've lost motivation for this fic. Between being really, really behind in the show and losing track of where I wanted to take this story, I haven't been able to pick up motivation for this story. (Write down your plans for stories or you  _will_ lose it.)

But in case you were curious, here's a brief summary of what I remember planning.

  * Steven and Greg would eventually be introduced when Greg comes to town for a concert. Connie really wants to make friends, even if Peridot says there's no use in becoming friends with humans because of their insignificant lifespans. Connie tries to present herself as "normal" as possible, and it goes horribly wrong because the Gems don't want to conform to human standards (and find it quite silly). But Steven is very kind and tells her it's okay she doesn't have a conventional family; he doesn't either.



 

  * There would be some lighthearted shenanigans as Connie tags along on missions to try and hone her swordsmanship. During one reconnaissance mission with Peridot and Lapis, Connie would get into some kind of peril, forcing the two to set aside their differences and fuse to become Amazonite. Amazonite has extra limbs made of light and wings of light, like Peridot's holopads. And as soon as she rescues Connie, she splits apart.



 

  * We'd meet Malachite later when the team finds something that needs to be broken apart. Jasper kind of bullies Lapis into fusing with her, and Malachite would make quick work of the target but would also refuse to separate due to the power struggle going on between the two of them. Peridot despairs thinking that she'll never be able to separate Malachite, but with Connie's quick thinking, they basically use Peridot's tech to shock the two of them apart.



 

  * At one point Lapis and Connie would "run away" from home. Lapis would take Connie to the bottom of the ocean where she had been trapped for the longest time. Lapis talks about being finally freed by Jasper and being in debt to Jasper and how much she resents it, as well as the people who left her behind. And that's when Connie starts to realize that her family might not have actually been the quirky but close knit team she had thought they were.



 

  * Peridot's adoration of Yellow Diamond, and her vague disappointment that Connie  _isn't_ Yellow Diamond becomes more apparent. It culminates with Peridot freaking out and accusing Connie of never being good enough, and despite her hurt, Connie recognizes that Peridot is still grieving and slightly projecting. Connie affirms Peridot that Peridot matters, and Peridot sort of kind of admits that Yellow Diamond wasn't exactly the gracious leader Peridot idolized her as, and that Yellow Diamond often dismissed Peridot's ideas because she didn't see herself and Peridot as equals.



 

  * Peridot also reveals that Yellow Diamond thought that turning herself partially human would make it easier to recruit an army of organics that they could use to storm Homeworld, knowing that Rose Quartz would be very reluctant to fight against the very organics she sought to protect. However, Yellow Diamond did not expect that she wouldn't be herself as the child, or that Connie would be so different from her mother. Peridot concedes that while Connie is very different from Yellow Diamond, that doesn't make her inferior. Connie also begins to realize the team is just really, really, really desperate for Homeworld.



 

  * Jasper just really wants to go back to Homeworld. Connie eventually learns that Jasper has a lot of internalized problems regarding fusion, causing her to be an insufferable partner. Connie teaches Jasper that her actions have hurt the rest of the team, and Jasper and Lapis slowly begin to address their unhealthy fusion.



 

  * As things are going good, the Crystal Gems start to arrive, thinking that all the commotion on Earth is Yellow Diamond trying to raise an army for war. Connie's gems hide Connie and try to fight off the Crystal Gems, but they are quickly overpowered. Connie eventually sneaks on board the Crystal Gems' ship (which is rose shaped) and frees her Gems. They finally learn to fight together and co-operate enough to level the playing field.



 

  * That's when they find out it's just a big old misunderstanding. The Homeworld... ex-Homeworld Gems don't want to make an army and the Crystal Gems don't want to shatter them. The ex-Homeworld Gems agree that Earth isn't all that bad once you've lived on it for a while, and that they have no interest in stirring up trouble for the Crystal Gems. A treaty is agreed on, and the Crystal Gems leave Earth and Connie is eager to enjoy life with her family.




End file.
